Starting A Relationship Young

Although we all know that there are successful marriages that started early (as in around high school and college), we very well know that it doesn't happen to everyone. It goes to prove that once again, though we always say that "men are all the same", and men always say that "all women are the same", we are all different.

I want to focus on long term relationships that started in college. I choose to focus on college because it's the time when we are entering a more mature part of our lives, but also the time when we learn to have fun both legally and illegally. Well, it's not that all of us have done drugs; but most of us have at least tried. 

When I was young, I always imagined myself to be a wild college girl. You know, like the ones you see in Hollywood movies. I always imagined myself going to different parties, wearing short skirts and dresses, high heels, thick makeup, and of course, meet guys. But that wasn't how my college life went.

I had a boyfriend before entering college and we lasted for seven years. Yes, that's an additional three years after college. As an eighteen year-old girl, I was very in love. He was a boy, and I was a girl - both 18. We all know how that love story would go. We were crazy about each other. We couldn't go a day without seeing each other. We couldn't let go of each other. Being a teenager, I'm pretty sure you also went through the phase where your hormones are raging. I can consider that year the best year of our relationship. But just like any other relationship, it wasn't perfect. 

We were both 18, therefore we were both immature. Very immature. We both wanted to do a lot of things, together and apart. We both thought irrationally, and we were both illogical when we were fighting. Well, that's one way of putting it. As years passed, we were getting to know more about each other, and we were becoming way too comfortable with each other. There were a lot of mishaps, small fights, big fights, cheating, unfair treatments, and more. Who would have thought we lasted for seven years? 

I guess it was bound to end. People around us - our families and friends knew it wasn't going to work and we wouldn't really end up marrying each other. There was something about the two of us that only the people who actually see us could notice. How would we notice it when we were way too comfortable with each other in the first place? 

Comfort zone.

 How dangerous could this actually be?

Being in one relationship where we actually stayed with each other because we were used to being together and we knew that we've invested so much in each other, I can actually say that this is one of the things a couple has to focus on avoiding. Being comfortable with your partner is not bad. In fact, when you say you're comfortable, it means you can totally be yourself around him/her. As a woman, I can meet up with him with no makeup on and actually won't mind. When do we know that we're actually being too comfortable? I guess that's the tricky part. Reflecting on my experience, what happened between me and my ex was that we pretty much didn't care about each other the way we should have. He became insensitive, and I became indifferent. Since we actually reached a point where we don't talk about our feelings anymore, we started falling apart and we were the last people to realize it. During our last few months together, I can still remember that there were still happy days, there were still a lot of laughter and jokes. But at the end of the day, I always asked myself if I was still happy because it seemed as if I didn't know the person I was with. Worse, I didn't know myself. All my plans, my dreams before, they didn't make sense anymore. I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted. Then it hit me.

I was with the wrong person. Now, when I look back, I'm still grateful for this relationship. It taught me a lot. We started so young. We were both very young and we both thought that we would mature together. As much as I'd like to say that we did grow up together, we grew apart. 

Now, I am open to new relationships. I'm a woman who has learned a lot and is willing to try and discover new adventures. I hope that the next guy, would be the last.

For Starters...

Hi. From this day forward, I am going to be Alexandra; Alex for short. If you want to know more of the reason behind this, feel free to visit the About page.

I just got out of a very long term relationship and my head is totally battling with my heart. I believe that you would be interested to know more about handling a relationship, handling a breakup, and handling a new relationship.

In case you're wondering, I am a dating newbie. As I walk down the road of singlehood, I'll tag you along with me and share with you the things I'll learn. For now, let me share with you how my long-term relationship started, and ended.

Let's pretend my long-time boyfriend's name is Jason.

Jason and I were friends before we got together. We met through a friend, and since then, we were inseparable as friends, and soon as lovers. I had my girlfriends with me, and he has his guy friends. Rumors have it he wasn't the only into me back then; but I guess he caught my attention. If I were to be totally honest, I liked one of his friends too but at the time didn't really ring a bell. Being the teenagers that we were, we used to chat on the computer a lot, talk on the phone, and exchange text messages. At this era, that's how you start falling in love with someone. Or was it really love?

To cut the story a little shorter, we got together. I never really noticed how effortless it was for him to have me since Jason already knew I was in love with him. He may have made a few sweet and impressive gestures, but I guess that was it. Traveling the seven (7) years I was with him, I came to notice that he never did anything that has a lot of thought and effort in it. Call me materialistic, but I wouldn't mind my boyfriend buy me a little something on our anniversary. Call me demanding, but I do expect surprises on my birthday. I guess everybody does. I think the most painful part about it is the fact that I do my best to make his birthday special; I do my best to keep my surprise a secret. I guess through the years, I grew tired of being the one with more effort (or being the one with the effort).

Some time around our third year together, I was out with a friend and had the gut feeling that he was lying to me at the time. Twitter, being a very reliable source, did a great job. I found out thru a friend's tweet that he was at a party. Trust me, I'm not the crazy, controlling girlfriend that's why I don't understand why he had to lie. I broke up with him that night, and he didn't really seem to mind. A week after the breakup, he admitted that he had someone else and has chosen her over me. There were a lot of questions, believe me. But knowing the heart that I have, I accepted that this girl may have something that I don't. We've been apart for a good 6 months, and found himself coming back to me. Being the girl with a forgiving heart and gullible self, I took him back.

Since then, I thought I was happy. Then again, being lied to and cheated on doesn't really add up to a healthy person. I broke up with him just very recently and I can't seem to understand what I'm feeling. Being with someone for 7 years and suddenly just letting it all go is not very easy. My mom and dad tell me I did the right thing. My friends who know how he treats me, who knows his games, tell me I did the right thing. My mind says I did the right thing. But my heart wants to disagree. I know that it will only take some time and some getting used to, but knowing that he is also in pain still makes me cry myself to sleep.

I am open to the fact that maybe someday, someone will love me better; that someone will treat me the way I should be treated. But since I am not really used to going out and meeting guys, where do I start?