Hi. From this day forward, I am going to be Alexandra; Alex for short. If you want to know more of the reason behind this, feel free to visit the About page.
I just got out of a very long term relationship and my head is totally battling with my heart. I believe that you would be interested to know more about handling a relationship, handling a breakup, and handling a new relationship.
In case you're wondering, I am a dating newbie. As I walk down the road of singlehood, I'll tag you along with me and share with you the things I'll learn. For now, let me share with you how my long-term relationship started, and ended.
Let's pretend my long-time boyfriend's name is Jason.
Jason and I were friends before we got together. We met through a friend, and since then, we were inseparable as friends, and soon as lovers. I had my girlfriends with me, and he has his guy friends. Rumors have it he wasn't the only into me back then; but I guess he caught my attention. If I were to be totally honest, I liked one of his friends too but at the time didn't really ring a bell. Being the teenagers that we were, we used to chat on the computer a lot, talk on the phone, and exchange text messages. At this era, that's how you start falling in love with someone. Or was it really love?
To cut the story a little shorter, we got together. I never really noticed how effortless it was for him to have me since Jason already knew I was in love with him. He may have made a few sweet and impressive gestures, but I guess that was it. Traveling the seven (7) years I was with him, I came to notice that he never did anything that has a lot of thought and effort in it. Call me materialistic, but I wouldn't mind my boyfriend buy me a little something on our anniversary. Call me demanding, but I do expect surprises on my birthday. I guess everybody does. I think the most painful part about it is the fact that I do my best to make his birthday special; I do my best to keep my surprise a secret. I guess through the years, I grew tired of being the one with more effort (or being the one with the effort).
Some time around our third year together, I was out with a friend and had the gut feeling that he was lying to me at the time. Twitter, being a very reliable source, did a great job. I found out thru a friend's tweet that he was at a party. Trust me, I'm not the crazy, controlling girlfriend that's why I don't understand why he had to lie. I broke up with him that night, and he didn't really seem to mind. A week after the breakup, he admitted that he had someone else and has chosen her over me. There were a lot of questions, believe me. But knowing the heart that I have, I accepted that this girl may have something that I don't. We've been apart for a good 6 months, and found himself coming back to me. Being the girl with a forgiving heart and gullible self, I took him back.
Since then, I thought I was happy. Then again, being lied to and cheated on doesn't really add up to a healthy person. I broke up with him just very recently and I can't seem to understand what I'm feeling. Being with someone for 7 years and suddenly just letting it all go is not very easy. My mom and dad tell me I did the right thing. My friends who know how he treats me, who knows his games, tell me I did the right thing. My mind says I did the right thing. But my heart wants to disagree. I know that it will only take some time and some getting used to, but knowing that he is also in pain still makes me cry myself to sleep.
I am open to the fact that maybe someday, someone will love me better; that someone will treat me the way I should be treated. But since I am not really used to going out and meeting guys, where do I start?
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